lips move they say it'll be okay
2003-08-08, 7:51 p.m.
guster: come downstairs and say hello
i really don't feel like talking to anyone. i don't know why. i've been close to tears all day, for absolutely no reason. i could've sworn i was wicked happy with everything happening in my life right now... so why am i so depressed? i've been ignoring christie on aim for a while now, and i'll continue to ignore her. i might even just sign off. i don't know why. everything's been upsetting me today. every single thing. the way my mum just tiptoed in here trying not to disturb me, like i'm a psycho who might lash out at her for the littlest thing. am i? i don't know. it's like, all my family's wicked cautious around me lately. why? i have no idea.
i'd like to think it's just that i'm sick of this place and can't wait to get back to school. but i know that's not true. and it's not exactly that i love this place and don't want to leave. i want both. i'll be back in october for a weekend (my cellphone plan expires and i'm going to get a company that doesn't suck), and then for thanksgiving, and then home for christmas and all of january. really, i'm not going to be gone that much. so that's not what's bothering me.
so i don't know what is. it's my first day off in a week and i have done absolutely nothing. my friends all suck and don't do anything; i've been sitting here all day waiting for him to come online and he hasn't. he's probably out having fun with friends. i'm not. i'm just sitting at home being all mopey.
i hate this. i hate feeling perfect, nothing is wrong, and i love my life... and then BAM, i hate everything. i don't even know why. today just sucks.
i'd go watch a movie, but right now nothing is appealing. so i'm just going to sit here, listen to the new guster cd (which i'm not even enjoying, but i hope that's just how i am right now), and stare at my buddy list. fun times, right? uh... yeah.
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