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the outline to a complicated dream of dignity
2003-08-08, 12:24 p.m.

it's my day off and, as i'm trying to do nothing, i've been spending the day thinking. my most recent thought is that i don't know what i'm going to do with my life after college. but i really have no issue with that, it's just everyone else. "so, what are you majoring in?" "english." "english? what do you plan to do with that?" "read." seriously, that's the conversation i have all the time. so let's get this straight, right here and now, while my thoughts are (somewhat) focused.

i have no idea what i will do after college. i know what i want to do (read; exactly) but that's not exactly a basis for a job or anything (unless i get a job as an editor, which i'd love). all i know is that i don't want to get stuck in a stuffy office job where you have to use people's titles and last names. "oh, good day, mr. jamstein, how are you today?" "i'm good, miss haskell, thank you for asking. have a nice day." the formalities themselves would just have me strangling myself. to be honest, i would be perfectly happy working at a job like target for the rest of my life (which is quite a possibility, as they're already trying to train me for a promotion and i'm like, "um, i'm leaving for school in two weeks..."). but what's the point in spending $100,000+ on school, just to work where i've worked since i was seventeen?

that's the next question i come to when people ask me what i'll do, and i say i'll probably spending my life working at target. well, there's the point that to become an executive at target, you have to go to college (or work for target for a really long time: i'm doing both). but that's not even my ambition.

the reason i'm going to college and studying english is because i enjoy studying it. apparently that's a concept people just can't grasp. i want to study a whole spectrum of things (hence the courses on religion, history, and french) but mainly concentrate on english. a long time ago (think before cars), people could go to oxford or cambridge just to become scholars. i suppose you can still do that, if you have plenty of money. i don't, but that's what i would like to do if i could. maybe this classifies me as an ultra-geek (but we already knew that, right?), but i just like learning. hey, i could like doing a whole lot worse stuff.

so this is my schedule for the coming semestre:

mwf 9:05-10 reli12 (intro. to western religious traditions)
mwf 10:10-11:05 eng100 (ways of reading literature)
mf 11:15-12:40 eng41 (english literature 1)
mwf 12:50-1:45 eng115 (shakespeare: earlier plays and sonnets)
tr 11:10-12:35 french1
tr 2:20-3:45 art history101 (ancient art)

i have a full 18 credits, which will either kill me or challenge me just enough. no slacking off for me this semestre (especially with band, my job, and maybe a second job... but probably not, probably just working a whole lot at my first job). but i need to get my gpa up, and make up for only taking 12 credits last semestre, so... yeah. um, you should hear from me by christmas... maybe thanksgiving break if you're lucky, but probably not as i'll be studying for finals.

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